Hidden Feelings
by Little Sister
Summary: Angsty SaitouKenshin oneshot. Well, kind of a onesided sort of thing...or is it? Finally updated!
1. Chapter 1

Little Sister:  Hello!  Just wanted to let you lot know that this is my first attempt at shounen-ai, so please go easy on me.  Please don't kill me!  I don't know why I started this instead of working on some more Sess/Kag fics.  Ah well.  Other than that, I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of the characters herein.  They belong to their creator and whatever publishing and broadcasting companies sponsored them.  

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_Hidden Feelings_

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All I ever wanted was to be loved.

My earliest memories involved strange men looming over me, watching me with disturbing looks on their faces.  It wasn't until I was five though, that I began to really hate those looks.  I shudder to remember those mouths, hands, and especially fingers, which I loathed above all else.  The fingers were the worst because they meant pain.  And those men, they were only the slavers. 

My first owner, I do not recall his name, nor do I wish to, but I do know that he was very cruel.  Yes, and it was he who branded me with that cursed mark on my back, he who was the first to leave me bleeding and broken on his bedroom floor.  His very features are branded into my memory, and not even the screams of all the men I have killed can block the sounds of his mocking laughter.  How many times had I broken, determined to give up and just die?  Still, I picked myself up, pulled myself together and simply survived.  How I did it, I will probably never know.  Despite his fascination with my hair and eyes, my owner eventually sold me to another group of slavers.

Akane.  Kasumi.  Sakura.  The three women who tried to protect me, even though they had only known me for a day.  I can still see their faces, can still hear the terror and desperation in their voices as they begged the bandits to spare my life.  I watched them die in front of my eyes, that cruel, mocking laughter filling the air as the only people who actually showed me any affection were mercilessly slaughtered.

I was saved that day.

Shishou came and killed the bandits before they could finish me off too.  Sometimes, I wonder if it would have been better if he had never come.  Would things be any different?  Somehow, I doubt it.  Someone else would have taken my place, someone else would have done the things I had.

It's times like these that I hate, humid summer nights when sleep does not come, leaving me with too much time to brood.  So much regrets, so much that I wish I had done differently.

Maybe I should have listened to Shishou and finished my training.  Maybe I should have tried to fight back against that man that hurt me so.  Maybe I should have told _him_ that I lo…  No.  No.  I can't think like that.  It's better this way, with no one knowing the dark thoughts that flow through my head.  Better that no one can see through my masks.  At least I cannot be hurt.

_He_ could see through them, if he wanted to.  But, maybe he can't.  Or maybe, even worse, he doesn't want to.

I can't blame him.

I am nothing.  I have taken the lives of so many, that I will never be able to wash the blood off of my hands.  Dirty.  That's what I am.  My body was defiled long before I met him.

I want to be loved.

But I don't deserve it.

Not the love of an innocent, young lady, determined to save me from myself.  Not the love of a young man who looks up to me like his beloved Taichou.  No, and definitely not _his_ love.  _Never his love._

He has someone to love him, and someone whom he loves.  After all, he never does anything half-heartedly.

I remember when I met him.  It was a hot, humid summer night much like this one.  At first I couldn't believe my eyes.  _He _was my enemy?  I was supposed to fight this perfection in front of me?  Somehow, it seemed so incredulous.  And I just _knew then__ that I would do anything for him if he asked it of me.  I nearly gave myself away, barely refraining from collapsing as his cool, golden eyes glanced at me appraisingly.  When he seemed to dismiss me as any sort of threat, I felt hurt.  I would never be anything special to him, but at least I could prove to him that I was able to hold my own._

So I fought him, and our battles were forever ending in draws.

Then I left.  I ran away from him, from his eyes, from the pain that he caused in my heart.  It was cowardly of me, but I couldn't…I just _couldn't stay._

I wandered for years, trying to forget him but never succeeding.  He was with me wherever I went, a constant presence in my mind.  I had managed, though, to suppress most of my emotions, to hide behind carefully constructed masks.  Just when I had found a place where I thought I could stay, he appeared again.

I treasured the moments we spent together.  But even that was taken from me when I found that he was married.  He himself said that his wife was a good woman.  I shouldn't feel any pain.  After all, I can't miss what I didn't have in the first place.  Still, it _hurts…_

He respected me then, and still does.  I can see that.  If that is the extent of his feelings, then I will take all I can get.

Sometimes it pains me to see him and not be able to just touch him, just a little.  I want to run my fingers through his hair, caress his face.  I want to make him smile.  It's dangerous for me to even sneak into his apartment, knowing how light a sleeper he is.  But I do.  I don't dare to touch him though.  He'd wake for sure, and then he would hate me.  That is the one thing I couldn't bear, his hatred.

So here I am again, watching him sleep.  He doesn't have half the nightmares I do, but he does have them occasionally.  I watch his face grimace in – pain? hatred? – no, an emotion I cannot identify.  What is he dreaming about?  He never shows his emotions around others.  He hides behind his smirk and sarcasm.  But I know.  I can see by the way he moves…I_ know when he is in a good mood, when he is frustrated, when he's thinking of the past._

He stirs in his sleep and I freeze.  Oh please, please, don't wake up!  He settles back down and I let my heartbeat slow.  It's time for me to leave.  He will wake soon, and I cannot afford to be caught here.

I stand slowly, quietly moving to the door.  I shouldn't look back, but one last glance can't hurt, right?

I turn around and my eyes rest on his sprawled form.

Oh no…

Please…_please_ tell me that he isn't awake and staring at me with questions in those beautiful golden eyes.

He'll make me tell him, and then the look will turn to hate and disgust.

_I love you.  I'm sorry._

I run.

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Erm, sorry if that was awfully vague and rambly-ish.  And yes, I didn't mention Tomoe on purpose.  Anywho, please let me know what you think.  Feedback would be greatly appreciated.  I'm still not confident about writing shounen-ai and yaoi stuff.  Goodness knows I read enough of it though!  ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

Little Sister: I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed this. Your reviews have given me some confidence in myself. I know it's been two years since I wrote the last one, and I had always intended it to be a long one-shot, only I sort of got distracted by school and work. Here is the second chapter. If it seems different, I'm sorry. It's been two years after all, and I don't remember where I was going when I wrote the last part, so bear with me.

**Disclaimer:** See the first chapter please.

_Hidden Feelings Part Two_

Saitou Hajime sat up and a small frown crept onto his face.

At first, he had thought that the small red-haired man had been the residue of his dream. The Kenshin in his dream had certainly not run away with a stricken look in his eyes. Quite the contrary in fact…

Back to the point though. What exactly had the younger man been doing in his apartment? And in his bedroom no less? The look in his eyes…he had been afraid of being caught.

Automatically, Saitou took stock of his surroundings, checking to see if anything was out of place. Everything was exactly where he had left it, except the door through which the rurouni had fled.

Deciding that he would get nothing done by brooding about the matter in his bedroll, he got up and dressed himself. Recalling thankfully that he was not on duty today, he opted to dress casually. A long-sleeved black shirt was donned, along with black pants which was held up by a belt, also black.

Really, he mused, he liked wearing black. Something about the color soothed him. Not like the hideous magenta that a certain rurouni insisted on wearing. Which reminded him…why exactly had the Battousai snuck into his rooms?

Determined to find out, he exited his apartment and strode briskly toward the Kamiya Dojo, sword hanging from his belt. Granted, it had taken some time to become used to the way he had to carry his sword, but he had adapted, and was now quite comfortable with where it was. Still, it was hard not to miss the old days, when he could carry it in the traditional way.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he went back to pondering the Battousai's strange actions. Had the red-head been acting strange lately? Come to think of it, he had noticed that something wasn't quite right ever since he had made his presence known in Tokyo.

Was there something wrong with the Battousai?

A startled noise made him look up.

The Kitsune woman was glaring at him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Good Morning," he said calmly.

"Humph. What are you up to, you good-for-nothing fake cop!" Megumi demanded in a suspicious voice. She obviously still didn't trust him. The doctor was holding several packages and looked to be rather tired.

"Now, now. Is that anyway to greet someone?" He started to walk away. "Better get to bed. You look terrible," he called back over his shoulder. He could hear her fuming, and he smiled. It was always fun to tease the Battousai's friends. They made it so easy.

Upon reaching the dojo, he paused. Battousai would certainly be up, but he didn't want to deal with the rest of them at the moment. He knew that the rurouni would only try to hide and his friends would not want to leave the two of them alone out of a misguided fear for the Battousai's safety. It was laughable. What could they do if he decided to attack?

With a sigh, he sent his senses out and searched the dojo. He could feel the Battousai moving around, but apparently the others were still sleeping.

This was perfect.

Sliding the front door open, he walked up to the building and around to the back. He wasn't trying to sneak up on him, but it seemed the Battousai was too preoccupied to notice anyway. Saitou took the moment to appraise him.

The diminutive red-head could not be called a threatening presence. His stature combined with his feminine looks more often than not caused others to underestimate him. He was very beautiful. Flaming red locks were bound at the nape of his neck. A few strands that had escaped swirled around his face, bringing out the color of his amethyst eyes and almost full red lips. His skin, too, looked to be ivory and smooth. Amazing really, how one so tiny and beautiful could be so deadly. But that was what the Battousai was: deadly.

Saitou walked closer, this time deliberately masking his ki and quieting his footsteps. The Battousai still hadn't noticed him, hanging laundry absently without paying attention to anything else. His amethyst eyes were dimmed, full of pain, and he was biting his lower lip.

He sighed and turned to pick up another piece of laundry, when he froze. Ah, so he had noticed at last.

"Battousai."

"S-Saitou!" He looked rather startled. Did the rurouni actually believe that he wouldn't come?

Saitou narrowed his eyes. "We have things to discuss, Battousai."

"D-demo, Sessha has to do the chores, and make breakfast, and…oh! What about the firewood? Sessha has so many things to take care of…" he rambled on, gulping when Saitou narrowed his eyes further. "Ah, ano, Sessha is sorry to have disturbed you this morning. It was very wrong of Sessha. Gomennasai." He bowed deeply.

"Why _were_ you there? And stop speaking that way. It's just the two of us and I'm not going to be fooled by the rurouni act that you put on for the rest of the world."

He watched as the red-head gave a small start. Apparently, being caught this morning had seriously ruffled his feathers and the masks that he usually wore hadn't had time to fit back into place. Well, that was okay. Saitou wanted to see what he was hiding anyway, so this made it easier.

The Battousai quickly turned around again, busying himself with hanging the laundry. "Wh-what did we need to speak about, de goza-…" he broke off with an embarrassed flush. He continued in a softer voice, "What did we need to speak about?"

Saitou casually moved closer, raising an eyebrow when the younger man stiffened slightly. "For one thing, why were you in my apartment?" He had many questions, but it wouldn't do to scare the Battousai away by bombarding him all at once.

Unfortunately, the Battousai froze and involuntarily turned to stare up at Saitou, eyes widening with fright. This caused Saitou a great deal of anxiety, though he fought to show it, because he had _never_ seen the younger man display such fear before. This man had faced down armies of men, opponents twice his size, and situations a normal man would have fainted at. So what, then, had caused this alarming reaction in him?

The Battousai trembled slightly and fought to control his breathing. "S-sessha will…_I_ will talk to you….but later. I…later. Please." This last was said in a whisper, as if he hadn't meant to say it.

Ordinarily, Saitou would have pressed his advantage, sensing a break in his rival's defenses. But the rurouni looked at him with such _pain_, that Saitou automatically nodded his agreement before he had realized it.

"Very well," he said more harshly than he intended, more annoyed at himself than the rurouni. "I will come for you tonight. Don't attempt to hide either, because I will find you no matter where you run."

"I know," answered the soft voice along with a small sigh. The rurouni looked resigned, which, Saitou reflected, was a good thing. A defiant Battousai always made him antsy, because who _knew_ what kind of crazy things the younger man would try to pull off. Still, he would remain nearby and ensure that the rurouni didn't change his mind and try to sneak away.

"Until tonight then." The sentence hung on the air between them like a threat, before Saitou turned around and left.

_Vocab_

Demo - but

Sessha - humble way of saying "I"

ano - um

gomennasai - I'm sorry

**Little Sister**: Well, that was different. I'll try to post the next part up soon. Somehow, I can do Kenshin's POV but I can't do Saitou's. I tried and failed, and that's why this part is in a sort-of third person POV. --' Please review. Comments and criticism are welcomed, but please don't flame me. I have enough flammable material and I really don't need anymore. Actually, I must thank sueb262 for his/her review. I was just checking my e-mail, and there was this review! It inspired me so much I sat down and typed out this chapter. So thank you! And thank you again to all the people who reviewed this story. It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside when I read them.


	3. Chapter 3

Little Sister: Konnichiwa! I have finally gotten my lazy butt into gear and updated! Yay! I hope this chapter is up to standards! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of the characters. If I did own them, the show would definitely _not_ be suitable for younger audiences. :drools:

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_Hidden Feelings Part 3_

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There is nowhere left to run, no place left to hide. Saito said he would find me if I tried, and I fear he is right. And I would probably be caught all too quickly, because how can I resist him? I would go to him of my own accord just to see him again. It would seem that I disagree and fight with him often, but it is all bluster, another mask to keep me safe. I am always afraid that one day he will ask me to do something I should protest, and that I will simply do it to please him.

Maybe that day has come for me. If only I had not gone to see him this morning! Although, even if I hadn't he would have caught me some other way. Perhaps this is my punishment for wanting something that does not belong to me.

My hands tremble as I try to finish the laundry, and I cannot make them stop. I close my eyes briefly. _Breathe_, I remind myself. It is not yet night. I have some time in which to rebuild my defenses and think of a plausible story for my actions.

But first, I must hide myself again. I find that doing chores around the dojo helps me to meditate. A habit I formed early in childhood, as Shishou often demanded that I meditate so many hours a day, while still saddling me with most of the chores. In his mind, I suppose, why have an apprentice if you did not make use of him?

So I finish my chores more calmly, my hands are still shaking but less pronounced now. I have other chores to accomplish before Kaoru-dono wakes up. I must be the rurouni for her. In order to do that, I must first start at the beginning. I am Kenshin the person, the one who loves swordsmanship, life, and …and Saito. Next is the hitokiri Battousai. Battousai kills for a cause without questioning, and is deadly and merciless in battle. And last, is Kenshin the rurouni, the one who is burdened with guilt and shame and blood that never seems to wash away…

One layer over the other, hiding myself within the protection they give me.

There. Breakfast is ready and so am I. The others must not know of my weakness, my disgrace.

Now that I am calmer, I must find a way to ease Saito's curiosity while still protecting myself. The urge to confess everything to him is strong, but my fear of his disgust holds me back.

Ah. I can hear Kaoru-dono moving around her room. She will go to wake Yahiko soon, and their yelling and fighting will wake Sano up. It is the same nearly every morning, except on the days Sano decides to sleep in his own apartment. I give it ten minutes before they all come in looking for breakfast.

Just as I finish carrying the trays to the eating area, Sano wanders in, looking adorably sleepy. I know that he is taller and physically stronger than me, and that he, too, has been through terrible things, but despite all that, I cannot help but see him as a child. Sano and Kaoru-dono and little Yahiko, they are all innocent to me, and I would do anything to protect them and keep them safe, even from myself.

Sano greets me, yawning noisily, hands going to his rumbling stomach. I smile at him and offer him his breakfast. He takes it with a wide smile and digs in enthusiastically.

I let out a silent sigh of relief. Sano is not staring at me strangely or asking me if I am okay. One down, two more to go…

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I excuse myself after breakfast, thankful that my masks seem to be back in place.

Still, my problem remains the same. What to tell Saito? Lying will not work. I am a terrible liar. Most of the time, I can get by with simply omitting certain facts, letting others draw their own conclusions. That their conclusions are often wrong only benefits me. Could I…was it possible…would I be able to give Saito partial truths and lead him to draw the wrong conclusion? I bite my lip helplessly. There was a reason I was never made into a spy, though certainly no one would have suspected me.

The day is moving by quickly, and I feel myself start to panic again. No…no! I must not let myself fall into despair. I have survived worst than this! And yet, even as I think it, I know in my heart that this is the most frightening thing that has happened to me. There is simply no possible way I can continue to hide this from him anymore.

Everyone around me is going about their usual business, happy and content with their lives, not knowing of my dilemma. I feel a twinge of bitterness at that thought. Ever since I can remember, I have not had that sort of peace with myself. Even now, even here, though I was happy, in the back of my mind I was always restless. Thoughts of my past, my sins, of people whom I had come to cherish and _must not let down, no matter what…_

I slowly look around the now clean dojo and the newly weeded vegetable garden. I can hear the voices of the children nearby. _My children_, I think wistfully. Could I leave them all behind and start over somewhere else? If it all goes wrong, perhaps I will have to. If…if _he_ finds out tonight, it will be over. Even after everything that's happened, it is foolish of me to have kept a small spark of hope alive. As long as reality did not happen, I could keep on pretending that I might have had a chance someday. But, even the hope will be gone too, now. I will leave, because there will be nothing left. Perhaps I should follow Shishou's example and just escape to the mountains, away from everyone and everything.

Another thought occurs to me. Would Saito be so disgusted that he would draw his blade on me? If I must die, I would prefer it to be at his hands, by his sword. Maybe then I could finally rest, worship and love him at a distance as it was always meant to be. Always wanting but never having…

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The sun is setting and he will be here soon. I have left a note in my room for them to find, bidding them farewell. This time, I do not intend to be found or followed. There is no Shishio, no grand scheme to overthrow the government; there are only the demons in my own mind that will not leave me alone.

A flicker of his presence alerts me that he has arrived. I slip out of the dojo to find him waiting for me, casually leaning against a tree, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword. He is perfect, and I forget to breathe for a second.

He nods a greeting, then turns and starts walking. I follow behind him; what else can I do? Most likely I go to my death: of my life or my hope, it matters not. But he is near, and it is hard to think when he is so close that I could stretch out my hand and touch him if I was brave enough.

There is no going back now. Despite what happens tonight, I will continue loving him for eternity. One way or another, things will come to an end.

Tonight…tonight is the night in which I face my fate.

There is no going back…

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And that is the end of part three. Part four coming up! Well, I know it's getting weird now. Sorry. But I hope it was pretty much okay. And review! Yes!

….

Or you could just read part four which I am posting up at the same time as this…:grin:


	4. Chapter 4

Little Sister: And here is part four! I kinda started…drifting on this part, so please bear with me. Eh heh, I suck at ending stuff… TT

Disclaimer: I still don't own Rurouni Kenshin, Kenshin or Saito. So sad… TT

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_Hidden Feelings Part Four_

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It was finally time. Saito allowed himself a small smirk of satisfaction. He had been plagued by curiosity all day, hovering close to the dojo to keep an eye on the red-haired swordsman. He didn't really think the Battousai would run away, the resignation in his eyes when Saito left reassured him of this. The only reason Saito had hung around was because he was strangely reluctant to let the younger man out of his sight, the fear he had displayed earlier still vivid in the wolf's mind. What had caused it?

He spared a brief glance toward his silent companion. There would be satisfaction for the wolf tonight. He wouldn't let the Battousai leave before his curiosity was laid to rest.

As if sensing his gaze, the younger man glanced up at him questioningly. Saito didn't look away, kept his eyes locked with the other's. Battousai looked normal again, holding his gaze steadily. He smirked, causing the Battousai's eyes to widen, briefly flashing some unknown emotion that Saito couldn't quite catch.

They had reached the riverbank on the less-populated side of town by now. Saito leaned back against a tree, watching the other man carefully. The Battousai wandered to the river's edge and sat down, legs tucked under him neatly, placing his sakabatou next to him. Saito decided to wait for Battousai to speak first. He hadn't survived all these years by being impatient after all.

A soft sigh reached his ears. "What did you wish to know, Saito?"

There it was again. That sad, resigned tone he had heard earlier.

"Start from the beginning, Battousai."

The younger man turned to look at him crossly. "Kenshin!"

Saito raised an eyebrow, and the other turned back the to the river, a slight flush staining his cheeks.

"My name is Kenshin." More softly this time.

"Very well, Kenshin," he conceded. "Explain."

"I-I don't know where to begin."

Saito frowned. "You can start by explaining why you were in my apartment."

The rurouni was silent for a while, most likely formulating an answer. Saito shifted his weight to his other leg and waited, mentally craving a cigarette but not wanting anything to distract him from the man in front of him. He made a slight noise in the back of his throat, and the younger man immediately tensed and started talking.

"I had a dream about you last night," the red-haired swordsman rushed out, shoulders twitching restlessly. "I dreamt you…died. I just wanted to make sure you were safe!"

Batto—no, Kenshin dreamed about him dying? Buy why check on him? He wanted to see the younger man's face while he explained, knowing that his eyes gave everything away. Perhaps that was why Kenshin chose to sit with his back toward Saito. He moved to stand next to Kenshin, noticing how the other froze and became like a statue. Was he even breathing? Putting that observation away for later scrutiny, he turned back to the matter at hand.

"You dream about me?"

A soft gasp and violet eyes flew to his face involuntarily. Saito immediately understood that Kenshin hadn't meant to let that slip. The younger man looked away again quickly, but it was too late.

"I…I dream about the Bakumatsu almost every night. You were one of my opponents and we fought many times. Of course I dream about you sometimes!"

Saito frowned. Really. If this kept up he was almost certain that a permanent scowl would frame his face. The tone was too defensive, too strong, different from his normal speech patterns. It was, therefore, obvious that Kenshin was hiding something. If Saito hadn't been so…concerned…he would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation.

Here they were, two old enemies, and neither of them were acting like they had in the past. Saito briefly wondered if getting older was making him soft. The thought occurred to him that he was only softer on Kenshin. He couldn't bring himself to kill the diminutive red-head. He had never wished the younger man dead. Back in Kyoto, during the war, he had reveled in the challenge fighting the Battousai presented. He had respected him as a warrior and fighter. Now though…he almost wished he wouldn't feel so damn _concerned_ about the Battousai _all the time_. It made him…nervous, unsure…and that was some of the things that could have gotten him killed during the Bakumatsu.

"What are you hiding?" he murmured absently.

"I…I am hiding nothing…" Large amethyst eyes turned to look at him. "This morning…I apologize for invading your privacy. I promise it will never happen again." A decisive nod followed this statement. It seemed as if Kenshin had made up his mind about something.

Saito shook his head. "It's not only this morning, but ever since I came to Tokyo. I didn't notice it before, what with all the excitement of taking down Shishio," a sarcastic sneer, "but you've been acting strange all this time. I can't put my finger on what, exactly, but…"

"S-strange? Have I? Eheh…" Saito's sharp eyes picked up a nervous twitch of his hands. He met the other's gaze steadily.

"Yes, you have."

Kenshin abruptly stood up. "Ehehehe…It must have been your imagination because I am the same that I have always been, that I am. And it will not matter anyway. You will not have to see me anymore and you'll forget, because I'm sure it's not that important. And there are a lot of other things you should be worried about, like that bandit that escaped and was killing random people, or the group of slavers that have been springing up all over, or—"

Saito spun the younger man around and pinned him to a tree, cutting off his rambling. His eyes narrowed dangerously.

"What do you mean I won't have to see you anymore?" he growled. "Are you running away again, Battousai? What happened to all that talk about protecting those friends of yours? Are you abandoning them?"

Kenshin only gasped, staring up at him with wide, frightened eyes.

Saito shook him roughly. "Well?" he demanded.

"P-please…" The soft plea startled him. And the red-head was trembling now, tremors wracking his small frame. "I tried…I tried so _hard_…! But I c-couldn't… s-stop…I couldn't…and it didn't matter…you n-never knew…n-never! But now…I know it's w-wrong…y-you'll h-h-hate me now…I c-couldn't…I-I'm so…so s-sorry…" Head bowed, fists clenched, but he never moved from Saito's hold, still trembling… "S-sorry, so s-sorry…P-please…"

Kenshin was _crying_. Saito's mind went momentarily blank, unable to process the fact. For the first time in years, Saito didn't know what to do. Should he step back and just leave, or continue on and find out now? Gently lifting up Kenshin's face, he noticed the same pain he had seen earlier was there and stronger than before. The pain called out to him, made him stay and speak without him realizing it.

"What couldn't you stop? What didn't I know? Tell me!" he said, silently compelling the younger man to let it out. First the fear and now the crying. Saito couldn't help but wonder if he was in a strange dream that he hadn't woken up from yet. He was very confused and bewildered, which was saying something, because he was _never_ like this, _ever_.

So deep in thought, he almost missed it when soft lips brushed against his own. He inhaled sharply and pushed Kenshin away in shock, accidentally slamming him into the tree. What the hell!

He watched in a sort of dazed horror as something in Kenshin's gaze wavered and broke; watched as his eyes became lifeless and dull, tears still streaming down his face.

And he understood then, the pieces falling into place with sudden clarity, what it was the other man had been trying to tell him. Had he felt like this all along?

The man in front of him had given up, his eyes held the look of someone who had nothing left to live for. Saito had, however unintentionally, broken him. It was, therefore, up to him along to put Kenshin back together.

Slowly stepping forward again, he lifted Kenshin's face once more, and proceeded to do the only thing that he could think of to help: he kissed him.

It wasn't a simple kiss either, nothing chaste or innocent about it. Saito kissed him hungrily, all of his own suppressed desires and emotions pouring into that one kiss. Little by little, Kenshin started to respond, to hesitantly return the kiss, as if fully expecting it to be thrown back in his face. A feral grin spread across Saito's face and he intensified the kiss, only pulling away when Kenshin moaned softly, his tiny hands clutching Saito's arms tightly.

"W-what…?" The tentative hope in his eyes made Saito's heart twinge a little.

"Idiot," he murmured, the fondness in his voice surprising him a little. "How was I supposed to know if you never told me?"

"I didn't…you weren't supposed to find out," came the shaky reply. "I would have never told you…I wouldn't have…"

Saito shut him up with another kiss. This was extraordinarily pleasant. And how had he never noticed the way Kenshin acted before this?

Kenshin mewled approvingly before tensing up again. He turned to look at Saito worriedly.

"Saito, what about—"

"I think," Saito interrupted, "under the circumstances, you can call me Hajime."

"Hajime," Kenshin said shyly, a blush on his cheeks. "Hajime, what about…what about your wife?"

"Tokio? Oh. We have an…arrangement." He smiled sardonically. "I needed to be respectable and she needed a cover."

"A cover?"

"Yes. Her family was pressuring her to marry. They were not aware of her lover, who was, by the way, a very beautiful woman. Still is. She's a couple of years older than Tokio and pretty wealthy. We simply solved both of our problems by getting married. Tokio is in no way obligated to me, nor I to her. Why do you think she stays in Kyoto while I live here?"

"I never thought of why," confessed Kenshin softly. "But no one would have guessed about the truth!"

"Hnn. Exactly." Saito wiped the traces of tears away gently. "No more running away."

"Hajime…" A half-sob, half-laugh came out. "I never thought…I never _dreamed_ this could happen…I don't…Is this real?"

Saito let out a chuckle. "This is as real as it's going to get. You had better get used to it, because I am very possessive. Now that I have you, I won't ever let you go. You are _mine_, and I. Don't. Share."

Kenshin laughed quietly, leaning into the arms embracing him. "Yours," he sighed happily. "Always and always."

Saito know that it would take a while before Kenshin could be convinced that he _was_ important, that he _deserved_ everything Saito could offer him. But it was worth it. _Kenshin_ was worth it.

And as Saito leaned down to kiss him again, Kenshin knew that however bad and terrible it had been before, it could only get better from here.

Two lonely souls would never be alone again.

SKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKooooo  
…  
…

Okay…don't kill me! This turned out incredibly sappy…I'm not sure why... Everytime I try to change it, it still comes out like this… Um, but yeah. Sorry if they are both OOC…:sigh: Oh well. There's an epilogue after this too. Something I wrote at the last minute when I was reading the third installment and realized that…! Yeah. But you'll see. Eheh. As always, please leave any comments or criticism that you feel is necessary. And if you feel the need to throw smelly things at me for the weird ending, I'll understand. :sweatdrops:


	5. Epilogue

Little Sister: Well hello again! This is the final chapter. Or the epilogue. Whatever. Actually, this wasn't really planned. The story was supposed to end in the last chapter, and it seemed like that too, right? So this is just because I forgot a little teensy detail that I only remembered after. Hehe…

Disclaimer: Noooo! I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of the characters therein. Although, if I owned Kenshin and Saitou….well, you'd never see them again would you:grins like a maniac:

SKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKooooo

_Hidden Feelings Epilogue…_

SKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKooooo

It was past sunrise before either Kenshin or Saito moved. They had talked all night, learning more and more about each other, occasionally stopping to share long, slow kisses. So much time had passed already, there was really no need to rush into things.

Kenshin finally stood up and stretched languidly, blushing when he caught Saito staring at him appreciatively. The older man stood gracefully, glancing up to check the position of the sun.

"We'd better get back. I have to go to work soon," he said, pulling the red-head up for another kiss.

"Mmmm," Kenshin moaned. He would never get tired of this, being kissed and held as if he was someone worth loving.

"You're thinking too much again," Saito muttered in-between kisses. "I will never leave or change my mind about you. Didn't I warn you how possessive I am?"

Kenshin sighed. "I know. It's just…I've been hiding for so long, I'm afraid I'm going to wake up and find it's all been a dream."

"Perhaps you might wish it was when you're little friends find out," Saito said teasingly.

Kenshin gasped, hand flying to his mouth. He looked at Saito with a horrified expression on his face. "Oh, dear…I think…I hope they didn't…!" He wrung his hands anxiously.

"What? What is it?"

"Hajime, I left them a note yesterday telling them…well, I didn't think I would still be in Tokyo this morning!"

Saito nodded in understanding. "You expected me to reject you." He sighed and rubbed his face wearily. "Life with you is never dull, is it?"

An embarrassed silence was his only answer.

"Come then," he said, pulling Kenshin towards him. "I suppose we must go and sort it out."

"But your job…?"

He smirked. "I'm not Chief Inspector for nothing, you know."

They set off for the dojo, Saito's arm resting comfortably around Kenshin's shoulders, ensuring that the smaller man was kept close. They walked at a leisurely pace, enjoying each other's presence. There would be lots of yelling and explanations and apologies before the day was done, but for now they had each other, and it was enough.

Kenshin looked up at the sky and smiled. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful summer day.

SKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKoooooSKooooo

….

So…did you guess what I forgot? Yes! The stupid note that Kenshin left. Argh. I could have just cut that part out, but then…it was already in there…and…and…I'm not a very good writer. :sigh: But if you forgot all about the existence of the note, well then good for you. I wish I could have forgotten about it too. Well, that is the final, final part. There will be no more. Of this story anyway. It's been a long…was it four years? Or three?...but I had fun. This is my first "chaptered" story, so it was a real experience for me. If you've read this far, thank you so much. Send me some reviews so that I can improve and write better (hopefully…) in the future. Anyway, so long for now, minna!


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